The Seasoned Last Blog

And then there's dealing with the whole festive Christmas and new years season too. Buying gifts, seeing family and friends, cooking meals, decorating the house… and everything else that comes with Christmas! This whole shebang that you need to see everyone, gift everyone a present, cook extravagant meals… and for what?!

Christmas isn’t about giving presents.
It’s about being present.

Christmas isn’t celebrated by all. For some, it’s not because of their faith, community, or beliefs… but because they’ve got memories of events that they’re still grieving for or trying to process. Celebrating and being festive doesn’t magically erase those feelings or make them easier to bear. For some, this season is like walking through a storm you didn’t choose to be in.. whether you have people around you or you’re entirely alone, it can be one of the hardest times of the year.

We need to stop assuming that Christmas has to look a certain way for everyone. Not everyone wants.. or even can.. go all out. For many, simply getting through the day is the goal, and that’s okay. The pressure to conform to an idealized version of Christmas can be suffocating, especially when your reality looks nothing like the glittery commercials or social media posts.

For those who’ve lost loved ones, this time of year can magnify their absence. A chair at the table left empty, traditions that feel hollow without them, or even just the memories of happier times can bring a wave of grief that’s hard to navigate. And for others, the financial strain of trying to keep up with the expectations of gift-giving or hosting can leave them feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. These pressures, whether emotional or financial, weigh heavily on so many people.

But here’s the thing: Christmas doesn’t have to be about extravagance. It doesn’t have to be about spending money you don’t have or ticking off every social event on the calendar. It doesn’t have to look perfect to have meaning. Sometimes, it’s about scaling back, simplifying, and focusing on what actually matters to you.. whether that’s a quiet day watching movies in your pajamas, lighting a candle for someone you miss, or spending time with the people who make you feel safe and loved.

And if you’re someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas at all? That’s completely valid too. There’s no rulebook saying you have to participate. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for how you choose.. or choose not.. to spend this time of year. Do what feels right for you.

If there’s one thing we can all take away from this season, it’s the importance of kindness. To others, yes, but also to yourself. If the festive season feels like too much, it’s okay to step back. It’s okay to set boundaries, say no, or create new traditions that feel more aligned with where you are right now.

At the heart of it, the season isn’t about perfection.. it’s about connection. Connection to others, connection to yourself, and connection to what truly matters in your life. And sometimes, just surviving the season is enough of an achievement.

And I’ll be brutally honest now, I fell out of love with Christmas. In 2018, I lost my twins.. one on Christmas Day and the other on New Year’s Eve. This season carries a weight of bittersweet memories, a mix of love and loss that never really fades. I share this not to darken the festive mood, but because I know I’m not alone in feeling the heaviness this time of year can bring. For so many of us, the holidays are a blend of grief, resilience, and finding ways to navigate through it all.

Over the years, since becoming disabled, my perspective on Christmas has shifted. I’ve learned it’s okay to carry the hard moments and still find small joys.. whether it’s a soft glow of lights on the tree, the scent of a favorite candle, or a moment of peace in the chaos. It’s about making Christmas work for you, in whatever way feels right.

And so, later this evening, I’ll light two candles.. my quiet tradition, a moment to honor and remember. These small flames remind me that my twins are still with me, carried in my heart through every season. It’s not about pushing the pain away, but about letting it sit alongside the love, the memories, and the little bits of light I can still find.

To anyone else who has lost a loved one and is struggling through this season, know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to not feel merry or bright.. it’s okay to take this time and make it yours, however that looks. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate the holidays when your heart is heavy.

Whether you light a candle, look at old photos, say their name out loud, or simply take a moment to breathe and remember them in your own way, you are honoring their memory. And if all you can do is get through the day, that’s more than enough.

This season doesn’t have to be about doing it all or meeting anyone’s expectations. It can simply be about surviving, about holding onto the love you shared with those you’ve lost, and finding even the tiniest flickers of hope or peace when you’re ready.

You’re not alone in this.. there’s a quiet strength in carrying that love and grief with you.

This year for me has been an absolute rollercoaster. From physical challenges to mental health battles, life threw its fair share of WTAF moments, mind-boggling surprises, belly laughs, sobbing-for-days heartbreaks, and “leave me alone” days. Some of those moments I’ll gladly leave behind in 2024, but others.. the memories that make me smile.. will live rent-free in my head for years to come.

In all seriousness, 2024 didn’t go as planned. It was supposed to be my Quality of Life Year.. a time for me to finally experience all the things I dreamed of doing when I was able-bodied. I wanted to get out, explore, and live more. But instead, my health declined further. And I won’t lie.. it often felt like I took more steps backward than forward.

At times, I felt defeated and deflated, even a little disappointed in myself. I realized I’d been trying to do things to make others proud of me.. classic people-pleasing..

but forgot the most important part..

I needed to make myself proud, too.

BUT… here’s the good part.

I accomplished and achieved more than I thought I had! I rediscovered my love for writing and blogging, and now Wait… I’m Disabled?! is 4 months old. It’s given me so much joy and purpose.. I’m in my element. I’ve also made new connections and friendships, people who’ve become pillars in my life. Honestly, I can’t imagine my future without them now.

In May, I completed and smashed my Jewellery Making course with a distinction, which has opened so many doors to exciting projects and goals. And while I didn’t achieve everything I set out to do this year, I achieved what I could, when I could.

Even on days when all I could manage was getting out of bed, throwing on my favorite jumper, or doing my makeup for no one but myself.. that was an achievement, too.

So here’s what I’ve learned: Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the little wins, because they matter. You don’t have to do it all, and that’s okay.

You are your biggest fan.

You are your number one.

And so from me to you..

Im wishing you all very Merry Christmas And a Calmer New Year to All.. 

To those not celebrating.. I hope this season isn't too stressful or triggering. 

And im sending extra positive vibes to everyone!